He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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