I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
then he tried to convert me to islam
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
