i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
