Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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