I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
