I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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