I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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