Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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