I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
