It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
