there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
