the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
