1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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