Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
