i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
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Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
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They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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