i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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