He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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