That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize