Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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