Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
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oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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