I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
