in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
