the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
