Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
