I'm going to jail i love you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
