a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
