my phone needs a breathalizer
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
