the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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