So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
