I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
