i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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