mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
