My hand turned me down
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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