come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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