please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
