sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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