Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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