They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
