Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
