no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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