either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
