I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
