I just pynch a tree in the face
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
