Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
