It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
