Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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