they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
