I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
