He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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