wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
