She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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