He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
