You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
