Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
