You're my little dorito
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
