My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
