Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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