Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
