i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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