I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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