Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dear god my vagina.
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