it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
