I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
