my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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