I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
