the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I want her autograph on my taint
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
