If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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