I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
