Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
