dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
