We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
