got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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