Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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