Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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