they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
